


Eye Candy

by sweet_fa (h_d)



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Work
Genre: Crack, Crack Crossover, Crack Treated Seriously, Curses, Daedra, Disturbing Themes, F/M, Mental Health Issues, Reference to canon cannibalism, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-03-02 20:04:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2824493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/h_d/pseuds/sweet_fa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Berem can only say the phrase "talk about eye candy."  The local healer thinks Sheogorath is responsible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eye Candy

**Author's Note:**

> I've never seen MLP aside from [this clip](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52lmeBcSMTA). This was written for a prompt on Reddit to use the phrase as many times in a story as possible, which reminded me of the Elder Scrolls in-game book [Withershins](http://www.uesp.net/wiki/Lore:Withershins).

Berem opened the door of Vania's small cottage. Vania was new to the village, and he hadn't met her yet. His wife had insisted that he come today, though. She was very worried about him.

"Talk about eye candy!" Berem exclaimed at the sight of the stunningly beautiful Nord healer. She had dark blonde hair, a piercing blue gaze, and a regal posture which displayed her body nicely.

She sighed. "Why don't you sit down, Berem? Your problem has already been explained to me by your wife, who—"

"Talk about eye candy," he interrupted, cupping his chin in his hand and rolling his eyes dreamily at the thought of the sweet young Breton who had (for some reason) agreed to marry a poor hunter. He wished he had the Septims to hire a painter, so that he could stare at her loveliness forever.

"As I was about to say, this condition seems like a curse. It isn't really the style of Namira, but—"

Berem shuddered at the name of the Devourer of the Dead. "Talk about eye candy," he whispered, horrified. His mother often threatened that Namira would eat him if he didn't finish his chores.

Vania's raised eyebrows indicated that she'd definitely heard him, but she continued as though she hadn't. "It does put me in mind of Sheogorath, however. Have you had anything out of the ordinary happen to you recently? Other than your current affliction, of course."

"Talk about eye candy," he said to himself. There simply weren't any other words to describe the amazing experience he'd had last week, when he and his wife had taken a late-night climb to the top of the hill just outside town in order to watch the sunrise. It was always most beautiful on cold mornings. His wife hadn't lived in Skyrim long enough to know all the glories of its land, and seeing even familiar things through her eyes was like seeing them for the first time.

"I am curious, though," Vania said. "Are you trying to use other words? Do you even know what eye candy means? I'm not sure that I do, outside of the literal sense."

"Talk about eye candy," he said, waving his hand to encourage her to continue. What literal sense? These were all literal, in his opinion.

"Cannibalism, as you said," she replied distractedly.

She stroked her chin in thought, then nodded. "I fear great power is at work here. Yes, you must visit Sheogorath's shrine. Be careful, though; Daedric Princes are devious."

"Talk about eye candy," he said, thinking of all the sights he would see on the way.

But when he arrived, Sheogorath's disembodied voice only laughed at him.

"I know why you're here. I've been watching you, little fool. You're so easily impressed; it amuses me. Did you think I was responsible for all the madness in the world?" he said. "You've made your own path to my domain. Go back to your wife, now. I expect you'll both come to know me, in time."

And Berem lived the rest of his days in Sheogorath's realm. After a few years, his wife followed him, lost to madness herself.


End file.
